Saturday, December 19, 2015
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Speed painting and process video
A quick painting (1-1.5 hrs.), along with a video: https://youtu.be/M-_giSBpozQ
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Friday, November 13, 2015
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Friday, September 25, 2015
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Friday, August 28, 2015
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
Monday, June 15, 2015
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Dust and Tatters
Amid the dust and tatters that she has created
She finds herself irresistibly drawn to that which will bring her pain
For she mistakenly thinks it a way out of her prison.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Guardian of the Pure Waters
Watching over a realm of unbridled emotion, she keeps the mysteries of dreams, of inspiration, and of love..
Friday, May 8, 2015
"Imposter Syndrome"
No matter what I achieve or accomplish, I am never able to feel comfortable admitting to being successful at anything. Perhaps this is just part of being an artist, since it seems to be an offshoot of perfectionism. But I have to wonder occasionally if there will ever come a time when I will be able to look at the things I've done and feel a sense of genuine pride. As it stands right now, I see most of my successes as the result of people taking pity on me, or just dumb luck. I always find a way to disqualify anything good that I do.
Does it ever end? Is there any conceivable point I could reach where I could accept that I legitimately did a good job? I've asked myself many times, but I can never settle on an answer. I don't think there's any accomplishment that I couldn't disqualify somehow. I'd almost say I have a talent for it. The greater the praise, the more I think the world has gone crazy. You ask me to explain why I did something well, I'll be wishy-washy as hell, but ask me to shoot it all down and I turn meticulous as a fucking lawyer. If only I were so determined to disqualify my perceived shortcomings.
Maybe it just takes practice. And not in a Stuart Smalley kind of way, because baseless positive thinking is bullshit. All I know is that I don't really feel like going through my life believing every good thing that I achieve is an accident. Because if that's the case, I've been flogging myself like a mule over the past several years for nothing.
Does it ever end? Is there any conceivable point I could reach where I could accept that I legitimately did a good job? I've asked myself many times, but I can never settle on an answer. I don't think there's any accomplishment that I couldn't disqualify somehow. I'd almost say I have a talent for it. The greater the praise, the more I think the world has gone crazy. You ask me to explain why I did something well, I'll be wishy-washy as hell, but ask me to shoot it all down and I turn meticulous as a fucking lawyer. If only I were so determined to disqualify my perceived shortcomings.
Maybe it just takes practice. And not in a Stuart Smalley kind of way, because baseless positive thinking is bullshit. All I know is that I don't really feel like going through my life believing every good thing that I achieve is an accident. Because if that's the case, I've been flogging myself like a mule over the past several years for nothing.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Hope Blooms
Breaking through is the hardest part
But I can see the dimmest light beginning to shine...
Monday, May 4, 2015
Friday, April 24, 2015
Authenticity
One of my biggest aims with my art in recent years has been authenticity. I want everything I paint to be genuinely me- no cookie cutters, no imitation, no stock fantasy themes. Because I wanted to be unique. I wanted to stand out.
The thing is, if you exclude anything that's already been done before, you're not left with much of anything to work with. That's a simple fact that I still struggle with even now. It's that old Artist's Ego, that part of me that gets defensive if someone negatively critiques my work, the part of me that gives me a hot surge of anger when I see someone on Facebook has reposted one of my pictures with the watermark cropped out. In and of itself, it's not a bad thing. Self-respect is healthy. When you give it too much control, that's when things start to go to shit, and you start to fall apart because life just can't meet its demands.
This is something I know from firsthand experience, because it's basically been my life for the past three years. The perfectionist in me has left me drained, and I find myself searching for answers that it just can't provide.
Which brings me back to my initial goal: authenticity. It seems that somewhere along the way, I confused authenticity with originality. Although one sometimes accompanies the other, it's not necessarily always true. For the longest time, I thought that making art which was expressive of your truest self was automatically ace material. Now, I'm suspecting that's not always the way it is. Being yourself is not a guaranteed path to success.
So why bother, right? Well, I suspect that it ensures that, do you actually end up finding success, it will be far easier and more enjoyable to sustain.
So I'm left with the question of how to achieve authenticity. I wondered, do I just make a list of my likes and dislikes? No, that's too shallow. Do I only make art based on my own experiences? No, that's too limiting. Then I realized something. Anything I decide right here and now will not necessarily apply when it comes time for me to sit down and draw. I'm not the same person I was yesterday, so the only way to create from a place of true authenticity is to create from the present moment.
That's a bit of a problem for me though, as spontaneous creation has never yielded the best results for me. Not only that, but staying in the present is tricky; the past and future will always sneak into everything we do and think. What's the solution, then?
I think the solution is to just stop giving a fuck. Your true self is your whole self, even the parts that are less than ideal. Stop struggling and resisting, and just create, letting go to the greatest extent that you can. That is how, I conclude, authenticity is achieved.
That's all well and good. Now if I could only figure out how to be original.
...The perfectionist cycle of madness continues.
The thing is, if you exclude anything that's already been done before, you're not left with much of anything to work with. That's a simple fact that I still struggle with even now. It's that old Artist's Ego, that part of me that gets defensive if someone negatively critiques my work, the part of me that gives me a hot surge of anger when I see someone on Facebook has reposted one of my pictures with the watermark cropped out. In and of itself, it's not a bad thing. Self-respect is healthy. When you give it too much control, that's when things start to go to shit, and you start to fall apart because life just can't meet its demands.
This is something I know from firsthand experience, because it's basically been my life for the past three years. The perfectionist in me has left me drained, and I find myself searching for answers that it just can't provide.
Which brings me back to my initial goal: authenticity. It seems that somewhere along the way, I confused authenticity with originality. Although one sometimes accompanies the other, it's not necessarily always true. For the longest time, I thought that making art which was expressive of your truest self was automatically ace material. Now, I'm suspecting that's not always the way it is. Being yourself is not a guaranteed path to success.
So why bother, right? Well, I suspect that it ensures that, do you actually end up finding success, it will be far easier and more enjoyable to sustain.
So I'm left with the question of how to achieve authenticity. I wondered, do I just make a list of my likes and dislikes? No, that's too shallow. Do I only make art based on my own experiences? No, that's too limiting. Then I realized something. Anything I decide right here and now will not necessarily apply when it comes time for me to sit down and draw. I'm not the same person I was yesterday, so the only way to create from a place of true authenticity is to create from the present moment.
That's a bit of a problem for me though, as spontaneous creation has never yielded the best results for me. Not only that, but staying in the present is tricky; the past and future will always sneak into everything we do and think. What's the solution, then?
I think the solution is to just stop giving a fuck. Your true self is your whole self, even the parts that are less than ideal. Stop struggling and resisting, and just create, letting go to the greatest extent that you can. That is how, I conclude, authenticity is achieved.
That's all well and good. Now if I could only figure out how to be original.
...The perfectionist cycle of madness continues.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Saturday, February 28, 2015
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